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#IWSG, Antonio, Insecure Writer's Support Group, Rottweilers, writer's life, writerly insecurities
It’s the start of a new month, which means it’s time for a new posting of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. Click the badge to learn more about this group.
I’m going to skip this month’s question – I haven’t even checked my emails yet. I’m going to jump right into my writerly insecurities this month.
I haven’t done any proper writing for two months.
Yes, you read correctly: I haven’t done a proper day’s writing in two months.
Why? First, because I got ill. And then… Tony.
You can get the full story on Instagram (or as full as I’ll share it, anyway), the point is: he got ill, he got diagnosed, he stayed ill, he got a secondary diagnosis that ended in his death this past weekend.
I knew there was something wrong. He’d gone from adventurous to staying protectively at my side. I thought it was a sign of age…
I can’t seem to concentrate. I have all these goals – as discussed in my interview on Operation Awesome – that stare at me and mock me from the dark corners of my mind.
One book only needs a quick revisiting before sending it off to beta readers (I want to change the opening to fit the ending better) – it’s not that I don’t know what needs to happen, I just can’t do it.
Another book needs a proper rewrite – there’s something unlikeable about the MC that I have to fix. But I just can’t seem to immerse myself in teen drama right now.
Then there’s the short story I was asked to write for an anthology… I have the outline, I have the characters, I have an amazing twist. I don’t have the energy, the will, to write it. Despite what it can mean for my career.
I know it gets better. Life will go on and my writing will become the main focus again. But what about the looming deadlines? The first on the list needs (with my own crazy deadlines) to be published in two languages in November. The second needs to be in for a deadline end of September. The third, thankfully, by end of November.
But can I do it? I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the folklore post that was supposed to be up on Sunday despite having everything ready…
Am I being too harsh with myself? I did just lose one of my furbabies… Or am I allowing my emotions to get the better of me and tanking my career with it? The last time one of my babies died, I watched the Avengers for a month before writing again…
I know my energy levels are low because I’m running after the newest member of our little family. Caitlin arrived a week before Tony’s illness took a turn for the worst. She’s a sweet little thing. But very energetic – and I have to do a lot of cleaning.
It’s almost like I want to do menial work that will keep me from thinking. (Not that I’m going to go against the goblins in my head that scream that everything should be clean.)
But what about my writing?
Any advice?
*All photos in this post are of Tony in the last two months.
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Cathy said:
Jammer om te hoor van Tony. xxx
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Dankie 🙂
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DRShoultz said:
Ronel, I feel your pain. Our pets are family. I’ve always had a dog at my side, and when they leave it seems like they should still be there.
It will get better, but not quickly. Take your time. There are many dogs and cats that would love your attention when you are ready..
The fact you care so much speaks volumes about you being a good person. Tony was a lucky dog.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thank you 🙂
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Pat Garcia said:
Hi,
Take time to grieve and while you’re grieving, take one deadline at a time and finish it. Your Tony would have wanted you to do that. So stop beating yourself up. Be gentle with yourself and walk carefully through your grieving process.
Thinking of you.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G @ EverythingMustChange
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Pat 🙂
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Erika Beebe said:
I am so sorry to hear about Tony. Don’t be too hard on yourself Ronel. Give your heart time. When my fur baby passed, I wrote her so many poems and it helped to talk to her in my own way. Thinking of you Ronel 🙂
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Erika 🙂
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jenlanebooks said:
Sounds like Tony was lucky to have such a loving human to guide him (and to be guided by him) through life. Grief sure is inconvenient when it comes to deadlines! And I think it’s wise not to rush your grief. Your emotional pain is a sign of your love for the Tone-ster.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Jen 🙂
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Michelle Athy said:
I’m so sorry Ronel. You need to give yourself time. Like Pat above said, take it one deadline at a time–just one piece at a time–and it’ll be less overwhelming. You’re grieving. It’s hard to anything when you grieve.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Michelle 🙂
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Sharon E. Cathcart said:
I know this pain all too well, Ronel. It sometimes seems so unfair that our animal friends’ lives are brief.
I believe in accepting and acknowledging grief. I believe in telling stories of loved ones (animal or human) when one is ready, so that one may remember in joy rather than in sorrow.
And I believe that the words will come back when you are ready.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Sharon 🙂
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M.L. Keller said:
Oh I’m so sorry about your sweet Tony.
Don’t beat yourself up over not writing. Take the time that you need to grieve. When you are ready, you will know.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Michele 🙂
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Ellen Jacobson said:
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. So heartbreaking. 😦 Sometimes writing has to take a backseat to life.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Ellen 🙂
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emaginette said:
I’m sorry for your loss. Where writing is concerned, I say stop. Just stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Think about the thrill of writing before all the editing, publishing issues came at you.
Remember your dear friend and share those delicate feelings. Get them down and revisit what drew you to writing back in the beginning. I’m sure they align with what is happening now. Take care.
Anna from elements of emaginette
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Anna 🙂
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Joey said:
Getting started again is the hardest part. You have a long list of goals, maybe pick a priority and get going on that?
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Joey 🙂
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Rhonda Gilmour writing romance as Sadira Stone said:
Oh, Ronel, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear friend. It’s perfectly natural to busy yourself with menial tasks until your brain and heart are ready to begin again. Hugs to you from across the ocean.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Rhonda 🙂
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Jacqui Murray said:
My heart goes out to you, Ronel. My ten-year-old lab is slowing down. He now has arthritis but the vet says all else is fine. Still I worry because life without this guy would be horrifically changed. I am so sad for your loss.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Jacqui 🙂 I think the worst part is that he was only 4.
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CV Grehan said:
My heart goes out to you, Ronel. My pupper passed away three years ago and I still miss her terribly. Show up at your desk. You want to work, I can see that in your post. Show up and set a timer for brief bits. Break the pattern and I’m sure the habit will trickle back. Take care.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thank you. I like the idea of a timer…
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Alex J. Cavanaugh (@AlexJCavanaugh) said:
I’m sorry! losing a treasured pet is like losing a human family member. Don’t be so hard yourself. You need a little time.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Alex.
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Rebecca Douglass said:
You read my post, so you know that I’m in the same boat, about not writing! Life does sometimes get in the way, and your self-imposed goals may end up being more discouraging than helpful, so you should feel free to adjust them as needed.
I get that about menial tasks, too. I do like to leap up from my writing to do the laundry or sweep the floor. And when I was writing my dissertation… well, let’s just say that the bathrooms have never been so clean, before or since! It’s like only the nasty jobs justify not writing, because obviously you aren’t doing them for fun!
—Rebecca
My IWSG Post
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Yeah, the nasty jobs do seem to win right now.
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cgcoppola said:
I’m so sorry to hear about Tony. 😦 I don’t know know what I would do; I’d probably do what you’re doing which is grieving. I think your writing routine will come back but your head and heart need to heal for a little bit. Give it time. All will be well again.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thank you 🙂
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raimeygallant said:
I’m so sorry to hear about Tony, Ronel. When I’m in a really down place, I try to set a reward after a big target, so it’s something to reach for and look forward to.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Raimey 🙂
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Roland Yeomans said:
Hearts need time to heal since you use them every moment. The pain will slowly ebb I promise. Our furry family members give us unconditional love and support. To lose that is to lose one of the best parts of ourselves. When my Gypsy died it near did me in. Heal then come back to writing with a deeper understanding of what it means to be human and to love. Here is my tribute to Gypsy if you are interested: http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2011/04/g-is-for-gypsyonly-happy-wordspromise.html
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Roland. Your tribute to Gypsy is beautiful 🙂
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rolandclarke said:
I am sending blessings as I know what losing a furbaby feels like – it’s happened too many times. (I have fears about what happens when ours pass – and vice versa.) Let the memories sustain you – and don’t punish yourself about the writing. We all need time off sometimes.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Roland.
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Jemima Pett said:
Sending hugs. Every time I lose a guinea pig it tears another piece out of my heart. Little lives have big impacts.
I’m still on time out after losing Percy at the end of May. I havent got any inspiration for short stories, and although I started on a project ‘in the wings’ it soon got into deep water. I just need to do the things I can until the mojo comes back.
Give yourself plenty of time.
lots of love from me and my gang. ❤
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Jemima 🙂
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Juneta said:
You lost family. Let yourself grieve. Take it easy on self and forgive. Time is the only medicine for healing the heart or at least patching it up. HUGS n Love N prayers.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Juneta 🙂
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Loni Townsend said:
I’m so sorry for your loss. My dog is old, going deaf and blind, and I’m scared she’s nearing the point where she might say goodbye to me. It’s never easy. I wish healing comes your way soon.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Loni. Hugs for your furbaby 🙂
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JEN Garrett said:
A wise author (Margaret O’Hair) once said in a writer’s workshop: “Give Life a hug when it needs it, but then circle back to writing.”
Give yourself some time and space to grieve and not worry about writing. Tell those who are counting on you for deadlines that Life happened, and you need a few… and warn those who don’t understand that they will probably get subpar writing from you right now. But most (if not all) will understand.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Jen 🙂
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Nick Wilford said:
Take as much time as you need. Our pets are so much part of our lives and so you have to go through that grieving process. I hope you find the focus you need for your writing soon.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Nick 🙂
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Tizzy Brown said:
I’m so sorry, Ronel. Please be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve. If you’ve set the deadlines yourself, there’s nothing wrong with adjusting them to a time that will be easier to cope with. If they’re imposed by a publisher, agent etc. then maybe you can still request some leeway. I don’t recommend forcing yourself to write again if you don’t feel ready.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Tizzy 🙂 The self-imposed ones have been taken off the board — for now. The others… I’ll just have to do the best I can.
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saracsnider said:
I’m so sorry about your dog. I have an elder cat whose health has been rocky this past year, and I’ve been struggling *a lot* with writing (and visiting blogs!). When she passes, I have no idea what I’ll do. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. *HUGS*
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Sara. All the best for your cat 🙂
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Louise@DragonspireUK said:
Sorry to hear about Tony 😦
Definitely give yourself a break and take the time to grieve. It’s never easy to lose a beloved pet, and the deadlines can wait.
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
Thanks, Louise. It’s getting a little better — having Caitlin around to terrorise Callum and myself is definitely keeping me busy 🙂
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Anne J. said:
Sorry again, Ronel. I’m so far behind with reading. When you’re ready, you’ll get to what you need to do. 🤗 And we can get together. 😘❤
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Ronel Janse van Vuuren said:
😉
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