I read through my planned posts and nearly fell off my chair. Though I thought they were good when I wrote them, today they feel silly and badly written.
Is it because I released the Editor on the first of December after having kept her bound, gagged and locked up in a dungeon for all of November? During NaNoWriMo I didn’t edit a thing. I also tried not to reread anything I wrote. But now I’m in full editing and rewriting mode and everything seems like nonsense. I’m not cutting anything right now, but I’m fixing sentences (spelling, grammar, tense, etc.).
In November everything I wrote seemed wonderful and exciting. Now it all seems dull and trite. I know I should just leave the manuscript alone to gather virtual dust, but every time I try to write something new the story and characters from that manuscript jump out from behind trees and under my desk. Even when I write in Afrikaans – short stories and poems – I realise that everything I write is influenced by Lucienne and her world [heroine from Ray of Night, the manuscript I worked on during NaNoWriMo].
Does this mean that her story isn’t done? Or is it my obsessive nature taking hold?
I can sit for hours and write little adventures for each of the characters – even an account of the villain’s journey. I enjoy it, yet it feels like time wasted.
Perhaps I just don’t want to edit – seriously, who really likes it? Still, I know that the art of writing lies in the rewriting. Maybe it’s the heat and weird weather thanks to El Niño that’s causing me to live in contrasts…
Today I’ll allow myself to wallow in self-pity. Tomorrow I’ll be a big girl and ignore Lucienne while I write something new – perhaps a new adventure for Saphira the Faery Dog? Once summer wanes I’ll return to Lucienne and her world, realising that everything I wrote wasn’t so bad after all. Before I make it even better.
How about you, scriveners: are you suffering from mild psychosis due to your writing? Perhaps a personality disorder (according to everyone except you)? Or are you boringly normal, not at all confused as to whether your fictional friends and their worlds are real or not?
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